


The Unpayable Debt

by agrivex



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 16:05:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrivex/pseuds/agrivex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the end, Val Shepard sacrifices everything. A look back on what was lost, and a brief glimpse forward to what was won.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Attic

**Author's Note:**

> Created for the 2013 Spring Mass Effect Big Bang
> 
>  
> 
> art by [ electricpastry](http://electricpastry.tumblr.com/post/51912523509/title-the-unpayable-debt)  
> 

"The paths are open. But you have to choose."

Panic thrust its fist into Val Shepard's gut. She clutched her hand, sticky with blood, to her stomach as though she could physically yank the fear out. She held it there and breathed until the roiling nausea coalesced into a sharp, clarifying anger. She stalled. "I need a minute. To decide."

The Catalyst stepped away from her and the glowing paths that unfurled toward three fates. The expression the projection wore was slack, empty. If the Catalyst had any preference or hope for what Val might choose, it had not programmed itself to show it.

She took a few limping steps forward and looked upwards, seeking a sign in the battle raging over Earth. Bursts of fire and smoke peppered the planet's surface. She watched a wing of geth fighters streak past a Reaper, only few shots finding their target. They swung around for another pass, but the Reaper turned, too, and shot itself with impossible speed into the geth wing's path. The fighters crumpled in fiery blooms on massive shell of the Reaper. Nearer the Citadel, another Reaper's beam opened, tearing into an Alliance cruiser and then arcing to carve through a Turian dreadnought.

The combined galactic forces were losing. But then, it wasn't a battle they'd intended to win. Each ship out there, each world abandoned to bring the fleets to Earth, was part of the cost they'd all agreed to pay for victory.

Val bent down into a crouch. Her fingertips sought the solid support of the cold floor as she whispered, "Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness."

A small gesture raised her omnitool. She hunched over the orange glow and tapped a few quick commands, sending a stream of data to the Normandy. Her fingers hovered over the command code. The interface blinked, _::Voice identification required::_ She closed her eyes and said softly, "Wash the sins from this one." _::Command sent::_

She tried to wipe the worst of the blood from her face before she rose and turned toward her path. With her first reluctant steps, she spoke aloud, "Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves. The hungry never starve."

She raised her pistol. Her words shook from her lips, but her arm was steady. "Guide this one, Kalahira." She fired a single shot. In the infinite microsecond between the shot and its target, Val felt a cold wave of peace. It broke with the harsh blast of a klaxon.

"So be it. The cycle continues."


	2. Uprooted

Val clicked the lighter and touched the small flame to the candle wick. The candle caught, and the flame bounced and bobbed in the gentle movement of air as Val set down the lighter. She took a slow breath -- in through her nose, out through her mouth -- and tried to settle her thoughts.

"Commander?"

Val twitched, startled, at Javik's call from the apartment’s doorway. She shook the tension from her hands and answered, "Up here, Javik."

She tracked the Prothean's heavy footsteps across the living room and up the stairs. She stifled a chuckle as she heard him searching each room in turn before he found her by a table placed before a wall of greenery. He let out a noise that was something between a grunt and a hum as he stood behind her. Val could feel each of his four eyes appraising her. “Your wounds are healing.” She shrugged slightly at his statement. He asked, "Is this a human funerary custom, or drell?"

"Neither. I mean, it’s a human custom, but not part of the memorial."

Val took a sideways step and turned toward Javik. He ignored her and looked more closely at the table. Small bowls of food were artfully arranged on a green cloth. The elegance of the presentation was somewhat hindered by the mismatched bowls she’d cobbled together from Anderson’s cupboards, but Val thought they had a certain charm. On one side of the table, the candle flickered merrily behind several framed photographs: portraits of men, women, families. On the other side, Val had placed a spherical Prothean relic. Javik stretched out his hand to touch the relic before apparently thinking better of it. Instead, he plucked an almond from a bowl and held it out. "What is this?"

"Offerings. For the ancestors."

"You worship your ghosts? Prayers will not help you defeat the Reapers."

"You don’t know that. But it’s not worship. And... I don't truly observe the practice. For a lot of Spacers, our traditions just blend into generic, affable respect." Val brushed her fingers against the cloth, straightening wrinkles that weren't there. "But I was reflecting. Seeking guidance in the memories of my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Those who came before."

"You... feed these memories."

Val smiled. "Yeah. That’s a good metaphor." She turned and picked up a box from a nearby chair. From it she pulled pieces of paper crafted into various shapes -- a house, a starship, a credit chit -- and placed them in an empty metal bowl. "Our ancestors prepared the path we walk. Tradition says we owe them the debt of remembrance."

He bent his head to inspect the objects in the bowl, then snapped it around at the sound of heavy footsteps coming up the nearer set of stairs. Val followed his gaze to see EDI smiling up at them as she approached, her arms laden with bright yellow flowers and soft greenery.

A sneer split Javik’s lips. “Why is the machine in your home, Commander?”

Val sucked on her lower lip to keep an answering snarl from her face. “She arrived early to help me set up for the service. She saw my offerings and expressed the same curiosity you did, Javik.”

The Prothean scoffed and brandished the almond he still held at EDI, “A machine does not experience ‘curiosity.’ It is analyzing you -- and your weaknesses.”

EDI reached the top of the stairs and wordlessly offered the flowers. Val instead reached across the table to pick up the Prothean sphere, then stepped out of the way, drawing Javik’s attention with her. EDI began to arrange the flowers, her head tilted to indicate that she would continue to observe the conversation as she worked.

Val thrust the sphere toward Javik, who quickly stepped away from whatever memories it might hold for him. “With all due respect, Grandfather,” Val said, “you have walked the path, but you do not see it.” She lightly held the sphere up and traced a circle around its equator. “‘In my cycle,’ you like to say. As if we were all orbiting the same sun, year after year. I don’t think it’s a cycle; I can’t think it’s a cycle. If it is, we will end just as you did. But...” She began to circle her finger to the pole of the sphere. “If we move upward, we will spiral toward a center, toward a victory.

“You call us ‘primitives’ but we have grown beyond you, as all children are meant to do. We have reached heights with artificial intelligence that your people never imagined, never dared aspire...” Val stopped as she heard the heated tones of her own voice. Her flush of anger took on a tint of embarrassment.

Javik crossed his arms and stared at her silently for a long beat. His nostrils twitched. Then he snorted and said, “I believe the most common metaphor regarding spirals in your tongue refers to the downward kind.”

Val rolled her eyes, then grinned. “Well, yes, I suppose that’s always a possibility.”

Javik pursed his lips and stole a sideways glance at EDI. His eyes slid to the flowers that were arranged in precise geometrical patterns. “You believe this?” he asked.

“On good days,” Val answered. Javik grunted and moved to return the almond, but Val placed a hand on his arm, stopping him. "You can have it if you want. Here, I want you to have this, too." She set down the sphere and took a paper rifle from the box she’d set aside. He plucked it from her hand.

Javik dropped the almond back into the bowl, but slipped the little gun into a pocket. "I do not eat these foods."

"Of course." She flashed a grin at him as she moved to stand next to EDI in front of the table again. She picked up the lighter and set the paper in the bowl alight before she added, "But even I didn't want to risk offending my ancestors with a bowl of salarian livers."

Javik let out a surprised bark of a laugh and clapped a hand on Val's shoulder. "I shall leave you to your thoughts and wait downstairs for the service."

***

Val straightened the collar of her long black dress, then twisted her hair up into a knot. She tucked away the loose strands that had evaded her first attempt. She picked up a tube of lipstick and leaned closer to the mirror to apply it, but found her hand shaking. She set the lipstick down.

She stared at her reflection, looking for cracks in her armor. The thought drew her fingertips to her face to prod at where the angry red scars had once rent her skin. In a moment of vanity after she’d punched Elias Kellam’s smug face one time too many, she’d routed the precious resources to Dr. Chakwas and undergone the procedure to mesh the skin together permanently. Ever after she’d sometimes catch Thane’s eyes flickering over her face, looking for those scars -- the lines that had made her looks just a little more like him.

“Shit,” she swore under her breath. She fumbled at a drawer in the vanity and pulled out a bottle of pills. She palmed the lid off and tipped one into her hand. _One will dull the pain of memory, just a bit,_ Aethyta had murmured across the bar as she slipped Val the bottle. _Two will bring a dreamless sleep. But maybe we keep this between just the two of us?_

Val couldn’t count how many nights she’d stood before the mirror rolling the pills under her thumb before tipping them back into the bottle. Her mouth twisted at the irony of needing one now, for a memorial. She placed the pill under her tongue and let it dissolve.

Her biotics flared, scattering her carefully organized cosmetics. Her hands scrambled at the slick countertop and she tried to catch her breath as her heartbeat seemed to rapidly decelerate. As she got her body back under her control, a soft shadow slipped into her thoughts, and she sighed in relief.

***

Steve was waiting for her at the top of the stairs. She tried to smile her gratitude to him, and tucked one barely trembling hand into his. Together they walked down into the main room of the apartment.

The space was crowded with people gathered in small clusters, speaking in low voices. She saw Bailey and Kolyat near the fireplace. Bailey gripped Kolyat's forearms as he spoke, looking intently into the young drell's eyes. Kolyat was nodding to Bailey's words, but tension was etched in every line of his body. His eyes glanced away from Bailey's face and caught on Val. His arms went slack as he turned his head to look at her.

One by one, each huddled group stopped its conversation and opened to face her. Val fought the instinct to slide into cover. Instead she met Kolyat's stare and, dropping Steve's hand, approached him. She leaned close and murmured a quiet welcome. He nodded.

She spoke, then, to Thane's friends and allies. To her crew who knew him only through stories told in the lounge or around the mess. To the politicians indebted to him. The doctors and nurses who had given him, and her, time. She could barely hear her own voice through the veil in her mind as she told them of Thane's long road and of his choices. She held her gaze unblinking, though she could barely see through the tears captured by her lashes, as she spoke of his sacrifice. Her breath caught in her chest as she confessed she had loved him, swore she would always do so.

In the wake of Val's suffocated silence, Tali spoke. Then Garrus, Samara, EDI, Joker. A chorus of memories welled in their midst as as one after another shared a story, a moment, a mulled-over thought. Bailey loosed a well-timed joke about Thane's fashion sense that pierced the collective bubble of sadness. Into that space of relief, Kolyat stepped up to speak his words, and to let go.

***

Quiet music with a pulsing rhythm more suited to Purgatory than to a memorial service played as guests stopped to offer a last word or two before taking their leave. Val tapped her fingers against her crossed arms, letting the beat distract her as she endured the goodbyes. When there were only a few of her crew left, those who had stayed to help tidy up and wouldn't seek her out for the rest of the night, Val hit the stereo control and plunged the apartment into silence.

She slumped forward to rest her elbows on the kitchen counter that had been propping her up and closed her eyes. The protective cloak of the drug was slipped away from her. Her fingers sought the small OSD Kolyat had given her. She traced its edges as she turned it over in her hand. The desire to see and hear Thane again battled with the knowledge that it would be for the last time.

Soft footsteps shuffled up behind her and a cool hand tentatively rested on Val's shoulder. At the touch, Val broke into a shaking, gut-deep sob. The hand fell away and an arm wrapped around Val's waist, another hand coming up to stroke at her hair.

Minutes passed. Val's choked cries settled into deep, ragged breaths. She sniffed, then wiped at her nose. She let out a weak, tremulous laugh as she was handed a handkerchief. She blew, then took a deep breath. "Thanks for coming, Mom."


	3. Parentheses

_“Sanctuary is building a better tomorrow,”_ a woman’s voice, programmed to be both soothing and authoritative, chirped.

“Right,” Val drawled as she picked out a path amidst the rubble and small fires. She caught Garrus’s eye and nodded for him to check the perimeter. Ash followed Val across the lobby to the main registration desk, watching her back.

Val tapped at the console and brought up a security vid. Ash’s glance slid to mass of figures crowding the screen, and she sucked air through her teeth. “Look at them all. I thought Sanctuary was a scam, sure, but for creds, resources, maybe labor. Where is everyone? No way they evacuated everyone in time, but...”

“No bodies,” Val finished.

_“All security procedures are in place to protect you and your loved ones.”_

“Yeah.”

Val looked over her shoulder at the view behind the great wall of glass. Tall, lush trees surrounded a sapphire-blue lake. It was probably meant to look peaceful, but the lack of movement in the water, of breeze blowing through the branches, was just eerie, even to someone who’d always lived on ships and stations. Wide expanses of grass begged to be crossed by the running feet of children. On this side there was cold gray metal, glass, and a handful of potted plants. Val pointed toward the glass-enclosed cubicles. “Let’s see if we can piece together a story.”

She crossed the lobby, slowly putting one foot in front of the other as she tried to imagine the footsteps of the refugees in this space. Long queues snaking into huddles. People shuffling forward to one desk, then shunted to another. Fear and uncertainty muting voices into a steady hum, occasionally punctuated by nervous laughter or a baby’s cry. Val reached the cluster of workstations and scanned the personal log of a staff member. Work at the front desk for a while, get a place in the facility. A pyramid scheme?

“Shepard, listen to this one,” Ash said, one finger tapping on the screen of the datapad as she read from it. “‘Suitable candidates are being assigned temporary living areas in alphabetical order.’ Suitable? And this, ‘Family units are being preserved for ease of processing.’”

“Humans, maybe?” Garrus speculated as came up behind them. “If Cerberus was running this facility, I doubt other species had an easy time of it.”

_“There is room for all new arrivals within Sanctuary.”_ That sickly sweet voice was just messing with them now.

Val tore her eyes from what were probably the last hopeful thoughts of some refugee and shoved herself away from the desk. “Anyone else expecting a thresher maw to burst through the floor? Come on. We need to find out what happened here.”

***

Garrus took a step back from the screen. Ash’s incredulous words were muffled by the fist pressed to her mouth, “They’re just killing them.”

“No.” Val stared through the window into the darkness. She felt her rational thoughts draining from her mind and fury rushing to fill the vacuum. “They’re turning them into husks.”

“That’s not...” Garrus’s voice crackled and he cleared his throat. “Reverse the vid.”

Val’s lips curled into a sneer. She hit a different control instead. Light flooded the outer chamber, scattering husks like a cloud of bats into the shadows.

“Move out.” She hefted her shotgun and strode across the lab in the wake of her team. Moans and hoarse cries rattled on the other side of the door. Garrus slapped the control and slid into cover. Val sent out a shockwave that tumbled the husks ass-over-tit out of her path. Ash barreled into the room and ducked behind a equipment counter, gaining tactical control over the room. Val’s mouth tightened into a grin, and she charged into the fray.

"Banshee," Ash called out in warning.

"On it." Val widened her stance and readied her gun to take the creature right in the gut. The Banshee jumped closer. She could sense her team moving into position as the Banshee zeroed in. Closer, closer. A rush of Marauders poured through doors on the second level and out onto the catwalks. With the introduction of the new threat, Val was on her own.

She fired two shots. The Banshee wavered at the impact, then jumped again.

"Commander!"

Two more shots. Another jump. The Banshee was less than a meter away, towering over her. It slowly bent its head over her and stretched out it dagger-like claws. Val continued to unload slugs into its chest. It extended its jaw and let out a hot, piercing scream over Val's upturned face.

The shriek sputtered into a choke as a bullet tore through the thing's brain. Val fired one more shot to force the falling corpse backwards. She stood unmoving, staring at the corpse.

Garrus's hand fell on her shoulder and shook her. "Shepard? You okay?"

"Fine. Thanks. That thing didn't want to go down." She wiped a trail of slime from her face. She gestured for the team to spread out and look for intel.

She approached a table covered in small machinery and idly picked through the equipment. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ash and Garrus at a console, pulling up audio logs.

"Small adjustments to processing efficiency." Australian accent, almost certainly Miranda's father. "No shortage of subjects, long line outside the gate. Approach is an unfortunate necessity. Time is short."

Another shriek jolted Val, and she dropped the object she was examining. Her eyes darted around the room seeking the source until she saw the second Banshee, trapped in a glass containment cell.

"I don't get it. Why go through all this this just to make husks? The Reapers make plenty." Garrus's voice was faint in Val’s ear as she moved closer to the glass wall.

"The Reapers thought this place was a threat." Ash's response barely registered. Val looked up at the Banshee. It crushed its face against its prison, its teeth clenched in a grimace. The glass clouded with each exhalation of air from the hole where its nose should have been. Its eyes rolled wildly.

A warm buzzing noise filled her ears. She placed her hand on the cold, clear surface. The Banshee twisted its head to watch. Val's eyes searched its face. She thought she could see a hint of a facial tattoo around one eye, the only trace of the asari it had once been. There hadn't been many asari in the security vids, not compared to the other species. She'd probably been living in the Terminus Systems, hiding from a culture that would have locked her in a monastery. A shopgirl or a dancer maybe. Val shook her head and looked away. Waves of biotic power pulsed down her arm in response to her anger. She didn't need to put an innocent face on the victim. Even a serial predator come to Sanctuary for easy meals didn't deserve this.

A scratching on the glass pulled her attention back to the creature. It scraped one claw slowly down the window then splayed its hand in a mirror of Val's on the other side of the glass. Its own biotics flared in response. Small cracks began to form in the glass, creeping outward.

Val let out a yelp as she was forcefully yanked back from the window. "I think we can leave that one here, Skipper."

***

Henry Lawson backed up slowly, pulling Oriana with him. Sweat dripped down his brow. He raised his gun arm to wipe at it, but stopped when he realized what he was doing. He thrust the barrel of the gun harder into Oriana's throat and growled, "I will kill her."

Val shot a glance toward Miranda, who was sprawled behind a table. Miranda waved her hand dismissively and gestured for Val to keep Lawson talking.

She lowered her gun, but took a few steps forward. Lawson's eyes darted from her to her team, who kept their weapons trained on him. "The Illusive Man left you here. His assassin took what he needed -- and left the rest to be recycled" Lawson's eyes snapped back to meet hers. She canted her head and smiled. "We have you now."

"It doesn't matter. I've secured my legacy."

"Your legacy?" Val clasped her hands behind her back, one hand still curled around her pistol, and began to pace, her head swiveling to keep him pinned under her gaze as she turned.

"Hope," Lawson replied. His eyes took on the glaze of rabid fanaticism. "I have done what no one else would dare to ensure our survival. I will be seen as the savior of the human race."

On each pass, Val wound her path closer and closer to Lawson. Her eyes took in each point of weakness as he blathered on about the true victory in subjugating the Reapers to human will. His footing was shaky. Oriana was leaning a good deal of her weight onto his arm, keeping him off his balance. Clever girl. One shot to Oriana's leg would send him toppling with her. But the gun was still very close. "If you try to take her, or if you kill her, you won't leave here alive." Val advanced again. "You let her go, maybe I let you leave here alive."

Lawson's cheek twitched. "Yeah. All right." He shoved Oriana away from him and she stumbled out of the way. In a blink, Val was in front of him, gripping his jaw in one hand.

"What you've done here..." Val pulled his face close to her and dropped her voice to a low hiss, "It makes me wonder if humanity even deserves to be saved." She thrust him away from her and raised her gun.

Lawson shot through the glass on a surge of biotic energy. Val spun to see Miranda staggering forward. She spat a mouthful of blood onto the floor, then growled, “No deal.” 

Miranda limped over to her sister’s side, and Val followed. "I'd have taken care of that, you know. I didn't want you to have to..."

"Don't, Shepard," Miranda interrupted. "You've always let me take my own shots before."

Val nodded. "Garrus, see what you can get off that terminal. There's got to be some clue about where Leng took that data."

"I think I can help you out there." Miranda’s stance shifted into a more familiar pose, one hand on her hip and a confident smirk on her bloodied lips. "I planted a tracer on him. If you act fast, you'll track him to the Illusive Man."

A shiver of delight ran down Val's spine. Her hand involuntarily spasmed, as though squeezing a trigger. She closed her eyes and breathed, "Yes."


	4. Every Night My Teeth Are Falling Out

Val could never resist jumping in puddles. The first world she could remember visiting -- she was maybe five or six years old -- was a cold, blustery planet dotted with archipelagos. She'd spent those few rainy gray days splashing through fields of long sodden grass, making potions from muddy water and flower petals. 

She sloshed through the large pool in front of the temple and kicked a spray of water at Javik. He ignored her. "Hey, Liara," she called. "Is this normal? Do the asari gods make you go for a swim before service?"

Liara didn't answer. The silence was broken only by the water dripping from Javik's armor into the pool and the screams of asari combatants off in the distance. Val turned to see Liara staring out to the fiery horizon. Thessia was burning.

Val crossed the pool to stand beside her friend. Liara twisted her fingers into the knots and said quietly. "This nightmare will never end."

"The hell it won't." She waited for Liara to meet her eyes. When she did, Val spoke with every ounce of determination she could muster, "We get to this artifact, we can all wake up."

"Fifty thousand years later," Javik added.

"Geez, Javik. Nice. Come on." Val led her team to the temple's entrance. "What purpose does the temple serve? Do asari still worship here?"

"Not really," Liara answered, her voice slipping back into the cadence of a museum tour guide. "Few asari worship Athame. The temple is a reminder of our past, a symbol of our long civilization." They paused while Liara bypassed the security gate, then entered the temple.

The gate closed behind them, shutting out the smell of smoke and most of the screaming. Val let out a soft whistle as she looked up at the great statue in the center of the temple. She caught herself taking a several awe-stricken steps toward it as she imagined a swelling chorus of voices. She felt herself jostled, surrounded by a crowd of worshipers, but as she turned to make an apology, she found herself alone. She shook herself and called out for the science team. There was no response. She returned to her squad.

"Seems like you're our science team, Liara. What are we looking for?"

"I’m not entirely sure. The temple houses a large collection of asari artifacts. I can only presume that something Prothean is hidden amongst them." She paused in front of a glass case.

Val joined her and tapped on the glass. "What's this?"

"The sword of Athame. Our stories tell that she wielded it our defense against jealous gods who threatened us." 

Javik’s nostrils flared in a snicker. "The oravores. They were going to destroy your villages." 

A red haze tinged Val’s vision, followed by a wave of wooziness. She thumped an armored hand against the glass case to keep her balance, ignoring Liara’s cry to be careful. Val waved Liara off, then pressed her fingers to her forehead, waiting for the spell to pass.

Liara frowned, then returned her attention to Javik. "Are you suggesting..."

The vision crashed into Val’s brain. _A panicking mass of asari gathered at the face of a cliff. Red lightning-like shots crackling and shrieking overhead. Blue-robed priestesses ushering children and their mothers into tunnel entrances. A shot hits the side of the cliff, and rock explodes over their heads. In the distance down the beach, impossibly tall figures, at least thrice the size of an asari, glide out of the mist. Silver lightning spikes from their fingers. Screams echo against the cliff face. Then a deafening roar as a ship streaks toward the figures, scattering bodies onto the beach and into the sea. The asari fall to their knees as one._

Val gasped as the vision vanished. She looked up to see Liara and Javik staring at her, their argument abandoned. Val groaned at the oncoming headache. “Vision. There’s definitely a Prothean artifact here somewhere.” She squinted around her, then pointed. “Ah, what about that one over there?”

"The, uh, the shield of Athame." Liara dragged her gaze away from Val and studied the artifact. "Legend claims she held it over the heads of our people to protect us from fiery skies."

Javik crossed his arms and smirked. "A meteor shower. It would have turned your planet into a burning waste." He glanced over his shoulder at the destruction outside. "I see our efforts were in vain."

"You're saying that Athame... That you..."

Val looked up at the ceiling, expecting to see meteors falling. When her surroundings didn’t change, she asked Javik, "Are you saying your people were her people's gods?"

"Yes,” he said, without even attempting to qualify the word ‘gods.’ Val rolled her eyes. “We saw potential in their species. We believed that even as we fell to the Reapers, our influence would live on, and the asari would lead this cycle. Pity they did not live up to their destiny."

"So, wait. Despite centuries of everyone sneering down on the hanar and their religion..." Liara gasped, and even through the headache, Val couldn't hold back a wild peal of laughter. "You worshiped the same gods. Enkindle this!"

"Again, yes," Javik answered, ignoring Val's outburst. "Our modifications to the asari were not as extensive as those we made to the hanar. Nonetheless, it took us years of genetic research to gift the asari with their 'natural' biotics."

"That's amazing."

"Is it, Shepard?" Liara snapped. "Prothean manipulation of other species also gifted us with the Rachni Wars."

Val shut her mouth, sobered. She rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand, then murmured, "You're right. Millennia's worth of fuck-ups, passed down from one cycle to the next."

Liara let out a long, deliberate breath. "They passed down their weapons, too," she conceded. "Let's keep looking."

Val and Javik followed Liara down the long line of asari artifacts. At the end of the row, Javik and Liara halted to debate the representation of the goddess's servant in a mural. Val shook her head. The figures looked Prothean enough to her. She wandered over by the base of the statue then hopped up to take a seat on the cool stone. Another wave of dizziness passed over her.

Val was dropped into a wild ocean of visions, each flashing for only a second before another pulled her further under. _An asari strapped to a table, squirming, while Prothean scientists loomed over her. A shiny battalion of young Prothean soldiers lining up to face an onslaught of Reaper forces. A fleet of ships abandoning a planet to ravaging fires. A Prothean squadron breaking into a base to discover a young Reaper, newly formed from one of the Empire’s slave species. A force of indoctrinated children, marching in lockstep toward a line of soldiers._ With a scream, Val wrenched her thoughts out of the vision’s hold before she could witness their deaths.

She blinked away the last ghosting images and looked up. Her scream must have been only in her head; Liara and Javik were ignoring her. "Um, guys?" Val called out.

"What is it, Shepard?" Liara sounded like a tired parent with a child pulling at her dress.

"Pretty sure I just sat on a Prothean beacon."

"You can't be serious!"

"I didn't mean to sit..."

"You have activated it!" Javik cried.

"I think it likes me."

"Quickly now, there will be keys to unlock it."

"Yes, of course. The artifacts."

Liara and Javik rushed through the temple, investigating each display. "Do I need to keep sitting here?" Val asked plaintively.

"I don't know... Ah, got one." A beam of shimmering green light shot from the artifact in front of Liara and into the statue.

"There is one here!" Another beam burst forth.

"This should be the last."

The statue began to tremble and crack. "I'm definitely getting down now!" Val yelped as she evaded a falling chunk of rock and stumbled out of the way. The shell of the statue fell away to reveal a sleek black beacon coated in the waving green light.

A spinning sphere of the same green light rose from the rubble. It hovered for a few seconds, and then a voice intoned, "Post-Prothean cycle confirmed. Reaper presence detected, cycle already reached. Shutting down."

"What? No, wait!" Val uselessly grasped at the projection as it began to spin back to the beacon. "We haven't been annihilated. We're still fighting."

The sphere flickered, then resolved into the image of a Prothean. Javik stepped forward and trailed his fingers through the light. The figure introduced itself as Vendetta, a VI modeled after the director of the Crucible project. It declared, "Conventional means will not defeat the Reapers."

"We figured that out,” Val said. “But we're building your Crucible."

"The Crucible was not of our design. Each cycle discovers its plans and improves upon it. But none have completed it."

“Yes, of course,” Liara murmured.

"We can,” Val insisted. “We are so close. You just need to tell us what the Catalyst is."

The Prothean image wavered, then began to nod before suddenly freezing. "Indoctrinated presence detected. Activate security." The image of the VI blinked out.

Val spun. "What the hell?" She snarled as she caught sight of the shadowy figure and spat, "Kai Leng."

The assassin strolled through the temple, sword in hand. He stopped halfway between the entrance and the statue. "Someone would like to talk with you," he purred.

Leng dropped a device and rolled it toward them. When it came to a stop, an image of the Illusive Man flickered out of it. "Shepard."

Val's eyes never left Kai Leng. She took a few steps forward and kicked the device. The Illusive Man's image tumbled out of existence as the device rolled under a pew. She drew her pistol and ran her hand down the barrel in a slow caress. Her lips curled into a vicious smile. "Forget him. I've been dreaming of this."


	5. First Field

Val watched as she extended her hand and clasped Legion's in a firm handshake. “This is from when I reactivated you. You've saved this in your archives?”

“Data from all experiences are saved,” Legion's voice replied. “But in answer to your intended question, yes, this moment was highly significant. You were the first organic to openly cooperate with geth since the end of the morning war.”

“If it's your memory, why am I not seeing it from your point of view?”

“For the same reason you saw the creators in their environmental suits. It is not a video recording. Only raw data is stored, and this is how your mind interprets that data. However, this is not our memory, but yours.”

“My memory? How is that...” Val's words faded from her tongue as she caught a glimpse of a moving figure out of the corner of her eye. On a platform in a nearby data cluster, the image of a man slipped between shadows cast by the rising sun. Val took a few cautious steps toward the platform. In one wide circle of movement, the figure effortlessly snapped the neck of one man and spun to deliver a sharp strike to the throat of the next. Enthralled, Val watched as the assassin flowed across the room, thrust his gun into Nasana Dantius's chest, and fired. As he lay the body gently across the desk and began to murmur a prayer, Val croaked, “How am I seeing this? You weren't there. These are my memories.”

“Yes. You were mapped to the geth consensus. Your thoughts and memories are integrated into the server. These clusters are holding that data, preserving your mind as a unique entity.”

“Shit, you're telling me I'm not just _in_ the geth, but _I'm_ in the geth?”

“Such a distinction hold no meaning for us. But... yes. Your software has been uploaded. When you exit the consensus, your data will not remain; it will be re-downloaded to your organic platform. Shepard-Commander, you seem distressed. We thought you understood.”

“I guess I thought it was more of a virtual headset kind of thing.” Val stared with longing as, on the platform, her image approached Thane. The two considered each other, tossing verbal spars back and forth, trying to flush out the other's intentions. The sun blinked in and out of the image as the figures passed in front of it, both circling each other with hands clasped behind their backs. They halted suddenly. Thane held out his hand and Shepard reached across the image of the deep orange sun between them to take it. As the image began to fade, Val felt a bone-deep envy for her shadow-self.

“Can I see more? The geth fighter squadron... Is there time?”

“Yes. The connections between the geth fighters and this server have been broken. Your awareness of time within the consensus is distorted. Only a few minutes have passed. There is time remaining before the lack of your software begins to harm your organic matter.”

She came closer to the platform. “How do I...” she began, but an image had already started to form.

Shepard and Thane were sitting across the table from each other in Life Support. Thane was speaking, looking down at his own hands wrapped around a mug. Shepard was watching his hands, too. He punctuated his words with flicks of his fingers that scattered little shadows across the surface of the table. He'd stopped speaking, but Shepard didn't notice.

“ _Siha_?” he asked.

Shepard looked up at him and smiled. She reached across the table and peeled one of his hand from his grip on the mug. She lay it flat on top of one of hers, then looked down at them together. She let the scale-protected back of his hand rasp against her palm, then folded her thumb over to stroke the softer skin of his palm. With her other hand, she lightly trailed her finger up the join of his fused fingers.

“I've seen aliens with any number of fingers,” she said, “but I've never seen any like this. Why have two fingers, with their own muscles and bones, if you can't use them separately?”

She barely saw him move as he snatched his hand away and grabbed hers with the other in response. Thane's lips twitched at her surprise, at how her breath quickened. His thumb grazed the skin on the inside of her wrist as he took her hand in both of his and splayed out her fingers.

“From what I have observed,” he said, “the separate digits of humans are truly useful in only a few situations. Like for playing of musical instruments.”

“You observe a lot of human physiology?” she teased.

“Yes. I have been paid to kill many of your kind.” The low, confident tone of his statement made her shift closer to the table even as her fingers instinctively curled away from him. He continued, “The rest of the time, you use the last three fingers together, in concert, for support” He molded her hand into the pose for gripping a gun, then one for holding chopsticks. “Even for finer manipulation, you use only the first three fingers.” He gently pulled her hand to him and pressed her fingers against the top clasp of his coat. He held her eyes with his own, a smile tickling at his lips as, with her first three fingers only, Shepard undid the complicated mechanism.

Thane wrapped his fingers over Shepard's. He held up his other hand for her to inspect. “With our fused digits, we have a strong, central point of balance. It allows us added dexterity with our fifth fingers. Shepard's breath caught as she felt both Thane's thumb and his fifth finger trace a pattern over the sensitive skin of her wrist. “You see?”

“Yes,” Shepard breathed, as she reached across the table to manipulate the next fastening across his chest.

Val looked away from the platform, her cheeks flushed and her thoughts scrambling for another other memory before that one progressed any further and she could no longer look Legion is the eye. All of her memories to choose from, and she couldn't focus. The image flickered and resolved into that of a hospital room.

She took a step back, a fist pressed to her mouth. “No, not that.” She frantically grasped for something else in the flood rushing past her. Before she could latch on to something, she heard a quiet voice say, “ _Siha_ , there is not much time left, I'm afraid.” Val froze, unable to look away.

Shepard lingered in the doorway, reintroducing herself to Kolyat. She could barely look at Thane. She moved hesitantly to his side when he confessed his pain at leaving her and gently brushed her fingertips over his forehead. But she soon turned back to Kolyat when he began to speak over one of Thane’s coughing fits.

Anger burst through the ragged scars lacing Val’s heart. “You stupid bitch,” she swore. “Look at him!” But Shepard either didn’t realize how little time was left, or was still in complete denial that Thane would die. With a grunt, Val leapt and hauled herself up onto the data cluster’s platform and into the image. When Shepard took a step backwards as Thane’s body betrayed him in the middle of his prayer, Val straightened and stood on the other side of his bed. Val barely heard Kolyat as he began to read from the prayer book. Instead, she kept her eyes locked on Thane as the agony slowly eased out of the lines on his face.

His hands were clasped together over his stomach. Val reached out her own hand and held it over the image of his, dragging from her mind every recollection she could conjure of the smooth warmth of him against her skin. As Shepard’s voice took the place of Kolyat’s, Thane sighed and turned his head toward the window, toward Val. His eyes seemed to meet hers, his eyelids widening slightly, his lips parting. Val stared at him unblinking, her eyes pouring over every shape and color of his face. “I’m here, Thane” she whispered.

One last breath dropped from his lips. His beautiful green irises held hers for one brief moment, and then slowly sunk into the blackness of his eyes.

Val slumped to the floor as the image flickered out of existence, then slid off the platform and back onto the virtual path. She walked in silence to the exit port and shoved herself into the column of light. The next thing she felt was a great rush of air gusting into her lungs as she was expelled from the the docking port. She staggered forward into EDI’s arms, wiping at her face. Tendrils of hair were plastered by moisture to her cheeks, and droplets fell from her nose and chin.

“That geth tech must have... ah.. set my bodily functions a little haywire,” Val mumbled. “Glad the rest of me’s covered by this armor.”

EDI seemed to recognize the attempt at humor and manufactured a smile. She rummaged through her supply pouch and pulled out a cloth for weapons maintenance, wordlessly offering it to Val. Legion’s light swiveled toward them as Val took the makeshift handkerchief. “Thank you,” she said.


	6. Atrophy

Val stopped and leaned over the back of the long bench that sectioned the waiting area off from the main path through the docking bay. She sunk her fingers into the synthetic leather seat-back and risked tilting her spinning head to scope out the way forward. Maybe twenty meters further through the throng to the window, a quick five after that to the doors that led to the Normandy. It wasn't far. If she could just make it through those doors...

She shifted her weight to lean on just her left hand and took one step forward. Tentatively, she took another. The floor rolled under her, and she took another couple stumbling steps forward before she caught herself on the back of the bench. A passing engineer gave her a disgusted look and muttered, "Shore leave." Val tapped her fingers to the side of her head in a mock salute.

Several more steps. She was more than halfway there. A keeper jostled into her on its way to some errand. She didn't care if the Protheans had deprogrammed them; she still wanted to squash those creepy fuckers like bugs most of the time. Never mind, onward. As she made the turn toward the Normandy door, she felt the noise start to recede. The air cooled, and she could almost catch her breath. Three more steps, and she practically fell against the door button.

"Commander!" Ash stepped forward to catch her, but Val caught herself in time and managed a slightly embarrassed grin. "You okay?"

"Yeah, thanks. Just a bit of biotic overexertion." A lot of lies could pass without question with a mention of biotics. Val looked carefully at Ash. "Are you okay?"

"I just can’t make sense of how we -- all of us -- got here. We should have been ready two years ago. And even now with the Reapers here, on Earth, on Palaven, the politicians and factions are still fighting each other.” Ash threw her hands up in exasperation, and then leaned back against the wall, shaking her head. “And it’s not every day you wave a gun at your commanding officer, then shoot the man you were supposed to protect."

"You’re not the only one who’s pulled her weapon on a friend. And putting down Udina, it had to be done, Ash."

"Did it? Then why didn't you? I know you had the shot"

Val sighed and rubbed her face. Her hand was cool, so she left it pressed there for a moment before she answered. "If I'd fired, I might have lost your trust. Maybe confirmed your suspicion that I was working for Cerberus. By doing nothing, either you'd believe me and shoot him yourself, or he'd shoot the asari councilor and you'd be convinced. Either way works. This war needs you more than another politician."

"I... Well, that’s flattering" Val couldn’t help but laugh, and Ash answered with a grin. "Still, I hope we can both keep our aim on the Reapers from now on. Commander, Hackett's offered me a position, but... I believe my place is here, ma'am. On the Normandy."

"I couldn't agree more, Lieutenant Commander. Come on, let's get you settled in."

They began to walk toward the Normandy. Val was pleased by the steadiness of her steps. Before they reached the door, Ash asked, "The drell who saved the salarian councilor, did he make it?"

"Th..." The name caught in Val's throat. "No. His injuries were too severe."

"I'm sorry to hear that. He was part of your crew when you took on the Collector Base, right?" Val nodded, and Ash continued, "I used to see him at the hospital sometimes. He died a hero."

"Yeah," Val said.

***

Val slumped against the wall in relief when she returned to her quarters and saw the blinking light. She scanned through her messages, then one-by-one called up each member of her crew who wanted to meet with her. She gave Allers her interview, hoping she was at least coherent as she explained the political situation on Tuchanka. She gave James the best advice she could, then reassured him that he wouldn't grow scales as a result of exposure to the genophage cure.

She fell asleep for a moment while Sam showered. She yanked herself into consciousness as the dream began to wrap around her, apparently alarming Sam, who stuck her dripping head out of the bathroom to check on her. She lost their game of chess, badly. When she begged Sam for another, the other woman shook her head, laughing. "You're dead on your feet, Commander. I'd take you in five minutes." She picked up her chessboard then ordered on her way out the door, "Get some sleep!"

The empty bed called to her. She stretched, slapped her hands lightly against her cheeks, and strode from the cabin.

Her rounds were even more frustrating. Liara wouldn't meet her eyes. In Javik's cargo hold, the Prothean had taken one deep sniff and cast her out, telling her not to come back until she stopped bleeding pain all over the ship. Shaken, she retreated to the elevator.

She stepped out onto the crew deck to see Garrus standing in front of the memorial wall. Val slid her eyes away from it before they could catch on the newly added name. "Garrus," she said with a nod.

"Shepard. Hell of a ride down there."

"Yeah."

"It's not easy..." Garrus began. Val quickly looked away, steeling herself against an outpouring of sympathy. "Having to pull your weapon on a friend."

"Right." This was what she wanted. A distraction, a conversation. But resentment was crawling over her skin like ants. She grit her teeth and forced herself to add, "But I knew she'd see to the heart of the situation."

"But if she didn't." The turian's voice was laced with curiosity, but there was a hardness in his stare. "If she hadn't lowered her gun, if she'd defended Udina. Could you have shot her?"

Val felt her control snap. Some detached part of herself saw her flush, saw her reach up to grab the collar of Garrus's armor and yank his face down close to hers. She hissed, venom dripping from her words, "Don't you doubt me. I would put down every last one of you if I had to."

"Shepard!" His mandibles flared. "I don't... I didn't mean..." A note of sadness hummed in his voice as he said quietly, "I asked only because I don't know if I could."

Val let go and backed away. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I didn't mean that. I'm just... I'm tired. I should go." She backed up to the elevator door and hit the call.

"Shepard, wait." Garrus held out his hand, but she rapidly shook her head.

"Not right now. I really am sorry. We'll talk later." She took one more step back and waited for the doors to close between them.

***

The doors opened again outside her cabin. As she stepped off the elevator, EDI's voice came over the comm, quieter than usual, "Shepard, Lieutenant Cortez is waiting for you in your quarters."

Val nodded, then remembered to speak, "Thanks, EDI." She braced herself against the doorframe and closed her eyes, breathing deeply. After she'd gathered her last scraps of energy, she opened the door and walked through. "What can I do for you, Steve?"

Steve stood up from the couch where he'd been sitting. Val trotted down the stairs to join him. He cleared his throat and said, "I was hoping I could do something for you, Shepard." She nearly flinched at the depth of the kindness in his voice. "I know Thane..."

She flinched at that. She quickly turned away from him and walked briskly over to her desk. She flattened her palms against the solid surface, trying to keep every atom of her being from bursting from her body.

She could hear Steve's slow, measured breaths as he approached her. He sort of shuffled in from the side like he was trying not to spook her. He lightly stroked the side of her arm with the backs of his fingers. When she didn't pull away, he cupped his hand around the back of her neck and gently pulled her up against him. His other arm came up around her back and clasped her tightly.

Val gasped, air tearing through her lungs. Her throat clenched shut, and she choked against the breath trying to escape. Steve rubbed the back of her neck, and she buried her face against his chest as she tried to stop the tremors racking her body. He rocked a little from side to side as he murmured to her. No reassurances or promises about time, just over and over a soft, "I know."

She reached up and squeezed his arm, a gesture of thanks before she grasped the sleeve of his shirt and pushed herself away from him. He let his hands fall from her, then rubbed the hint of tears from his own eyes. "You need to get some sleep, Shepard."

She couldn't keep the tremble from her protest. "There's work that needs to be done. We've got to get to the flotilla ASAP."

"EDI says you haven't slept for more than twenty minutes at a time since Tuchanka. You know what happens if you don't take care of yourself. You're endangering yourself."

"And the crew."

"And the mission. That's not like you."

"I just need a little more time. I'm not ready."

"What do you mean?"

Val stepped back and sat on the corner of her bed. Steve crouched down so he could meet her eyes, but she looked away. "I've been having dreams."

At his slow nod, she continued, "I'm running through the tunnels back on Torfan. But they're full of mist, cold and damp, and roots are snaking down through the walls and crawling across the floor. I can hear... I hear the cries of other squads in my unit down branching passages, but I keep running. The footsteps and grunts of my squad are behind me as we chase a figure through the tunnels. One by one, I can hear my squadmates fall away. And then..."

Steve said nothing. Val twisted her fingers together. "When I catch up to it, it's Kaidan. He... was on the SR1. I had to leave him on Virmire. But here, I know I can't leave anyone alive. I kill him.

"I tried to sleep once after Tuchanka. It was different. I knew I was following Mordin. I managed to wake myself in time. I'm sure... I'm afraid next time it will be Thane."

Steve rested a hand on her knee. "I think... I don't think you'll ever be ready to face that." Val shuddered and nodded. "I can stay. So when you wake up..."

Val raised her head, tears welling in her eyes. She leaned forward and pressed her face into Steve's shoulder, nodding. She sniffed, then stood abruptly and crossed the room to her workspace.

"Shepard?"

She unlatched a drawer and slowly slid it open. The pistol lay on the cold steel. She picked it up and relaxed a little with the familiar weight in her hands. "I asked Kolyat if I could have it. He must have thought I was a sociopath, wanting such a token.” She lightly traced the smooth lines of it with one fingertip. She let out a long, deep breath, and then swallowed. “There was a hole.”

She walked back over to the bed and tucked the gun under her pillow. She kicked off her boots, then lay down on top of the sheets. She curled up into a fetal position, facing the edge, and scrunched her eyes shut. She felt the bed dip a little as Steve sat down on the other side and stretched out his legs. The lights dimmed. After a minute, Val rolled over and took Steve's hand.


	7. It Seems Easy

"Mordin!" 

The scientist looked up at Val's shout, though his fingers kept flickering over the workstation. Val jumped down the half flight of stairs, then winced and cradled her bruised ribs. She loosed an out-of-breath laugh as she dodged a falling, smoldering chunk of the Shroud. Keeping a watchful eye out for more debris, she crossed the lobby and hopped up to sit on the counter next to Mordin's workstation.

"Did you see that, Mordin?" Val mimed the undulations of the great thresher maw with her arm, her open hand gaping into Mordin's face. Val's own mouth mimicked the maw's in a silent roar.

Mordin chuckled. "Yes, Shepard. I saw."

Val kicked her feet against counter and looked upwards. The sky overhead was a brilliant green. Wavy silver ribbons emanated from the top of the tower. A low rumble announced another explosion somewhere near the top, and Val instinctively forced Mordin's head down in the onslaught of another hail of fiery rubble. Mordin shook her off in irritation.

"Is the cure ready? Eve okay?"

"Yes, Shepard." Val looked around, searching for the krogan. "Headed to safety. Wrex with her."

"Good." Val took a deep breath before confessing, "Mordin, the salarians sabotaged the Shroud. I don’t know what it is exactly, but we’ll have to fix it for the cure to work."

Mordin pursed his lips. "Of course. STG would take precautions. Explains temperature readings. Analyzing countermeasure." Val relaxed as Mordin continued working. But then he added, a hint of accusation in his voice, "You knew. Wrex and Eve?"

Val shook her head. "The dalatrass offered me a deal: I keep the sabotage in place, trick the krogan into thinking the genophage is cured. She gives her full support for the Crucible Project. If I’d told Wrex... I don’t know how he’d have responded. I figured we could handle it." She looked at Mordin, her question unasked.

Mordin nodded briskly. "I can." He sighed. "Difficult moral circumstances. Salarian assistance reluctant. Minimal." He moved to another workstation. Val hopped down and followed him, her eyes intently locked on his expression. "Understandable. But not acceptable."

Another explosion rocked the Shroud. "Damn! Can we fix it now?"

Mordin shut down the workstation with a wave of his fingers. "Yes. In the control room. Must take elevator up."

"There's no way. It's too unstable."

"Have to. Must counteract STG sabotage manually. Ensure cure dispersed properly."

Val grabbed Mordin's forearm as he started toward the elevator. His determined march pulled her from the counter. "You can't, Mordin. You’re too valuable. We've got problems only you can solve. There's got to be another way."

"Flattered, Shepard, but many scientists working on the Crucible."

"It's not just the Crucible. We need contingencies. And it's not only the krogan who are dying out."

Mordin stopped and stared at her. "Don't understand."

“We...” Val hunted for the words that would let her ask. “We need every species in this fight. But the drell are dying. You're a great scientist. A doctor. You... You could cure Kepral's Syndrome."

"Not my problem to solve, Shepard. Genophage direct result of salarian tampering. Genophage modification my project. My problem. Drell destroyed own world. Hanar helped, still helping. Looking for cure."

Val let her hand drop from Mordin's arm, her gaze falling to the floor. "Not fast enough."

Mordin let out a dismissive huff. "You know better, Shepard. Can't balance an entire species against one person."

"It's not just one person," Val pleaded. "The dalatrass... If we let the sabotage stand, we can have the salarians and the krogan on our side. They don't need to know! We can fix it later."

Mordin shook his head. He turned and resumed his walk toward the elevator. 

Val stared, open-mouthed, before shaking herself and chasing after him. "Every time we’ve talked about this before, you’ve defended the genophage. Hell, I had to talk you into saving Maelon’s data. How can you change your mind now?"

He whirled and thrust a finger into her face, shouting, "I made a mistake!” He clapped his hands to his face and hunched his shoulders. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, but edged with a keening sorrow, “I made a mistake. Focused on big picture. Big picture made of little pictures. Too many variables.”

"I'll do it! Hell, I'll probably survive one more explosion. Mordin. Let me go."

"My responsibility. Need to go. Running out of time."

Desperation flooded through her. She shook her head sharply, flinging all other thoughts aside. She drew her pistol. "Mordin, walk away. I will do this."

"Can’t do that, Shepard."

"I don’t have a choice here. I will... I would do anything to save him. Walk away or I will fire."

Mordin stopped. He turned and walked slowly back to Val. Imitating her earlier gesture, he curled his long fingers around her gun arm. He dipped his head forward to look her directly in the eyes. "No, Shepard. You wouldn't."

Val dropped her arm and slumped forward. "I should," she whispered. "I don't want to lose you, either."

Mordin brushed his fingers over her hair. "Shepard, please. Not your decision. Not your work. Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

Val nodded mutely as Mordin backed away and walked into the elevator.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

The elevator doors closed. Val watched, her eyes locked on Mordin's, as it carried him up into the tower. She looked down at the gun in her hand, then threw it away in disgust.

***

Val sat on the ground, her back against a carved ruin of a wall. Her head was tipped up to the golden glow flowing out of the Shroud, but her eyes were closed. She didn't move as the truck rolled up and Wrex hopped out, followed more slowly by Eve.

"The scrawny pyjak actually did it!" Wrex roared.

Val opened her eyes and forced a smile onto her face. Watching Eve spin in wonder, her hands outstretched as soft flutters of light fell through her fingers, Val's smile relaxed into a more natural expression. "He did."

One last explosion thundered through the ruins. The Shroud burst apart, then collapsed.


	8. Two

Val stood at the hospital kiosk scrolling through the selections. Dr. Michel had informed her that Ash was awake and ready for visitors. Val’s eyes caught on one listing and she opened her omnitool to process the transaction. A thick, heavy book slid out of the dispenser. She thumbed through it for a minute before heading through the decontamination sweep.

She paused for just a moment outside Ash’s room, then poked her head through the open door. Ash was lying on her back, looking out the window over the sweeping view of the Presidium. Purple and yellow bruises sunk down to the bones of Ash’s face, and every now and then a bit of a tremor ran through her body. 

Val called out softly, “Ash?” The soldier tried to sit up, but her arms couldn’t quite bear the weight, and she collapsed back onto to the bed. Val crossed the room quickly and rested a hand on her shoulder, “Hey, relax.”

Ash let out a weak chuckle that was more like a cough. "Aye aye, Skipper."

"That's more like it." Val pulled up a stool. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I was smashed against a shuttle by a super robot."

"I bet you’ve waited years to use that analogy. Hey, I got you something to read while you're cooped up." She offered Ash the book then, considering its weight, held it up for her instead.

Ash peered at it. “Is that... elcor poetry?”

Val grinned enthusiastically, “Yeah! I mean, I know you like poetry, but I thought you might have the other books already. And elcor are cool!” Her face fell as she considered the heavy tome and the look Ash was giving her. “Maybe it wasn’t the best choice. Well, it will be good for strength training when you’re feeling a bit better.”

“No, Shepard, it’s great. Really! You’re right, I haven’t read that one. And there’s an elcor on staff who likes to visit with me. I think we’ll enjoy discussing it.”

Val smiled in relief and set the book aside. “I’m glad I could do something. Seeing you laid out in the medbay after... I don’t remember the last time I felt so helpless.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and propping her chin on her clasped hands. “So how are you now, really?”

“The doctors say the biggest danger lurking is my concussion. The rest is waiting to heal and then physical therapy. Lots of physical therapy. But after... Shepard, Udina offered to make me a Spectre.”

“Ash, that’s brilliant! Congratulations.”

“Thanks, Shepard. That means a lot. Especially after...” Val raised her eyebrows and Ash finished, “After Horizon.”

Val rubbed the back of her neck in discomfort. “Ah. I was kind of hoping we could just pretend that never happened. But that’s probably not the best way to get you to trust me again.” Val raised her hand to stop Ash’s protest, “I get it. I was working for the enemy. But they were the only ones willing to listen to me.”

“I was hurt, Shepard. I would have listened. All I could think was that if you’d contacted me, we could have found some kind of solution without Cerberus. It felt like you chose the easy alliance over me.” This time Ash silenced Val’s response. “I know. I know you couldn’t, and that it wasn’t easy. But it’s how I felt.”

“I did try. But maybe not all the hard. I don’t think I wanted to face you being disappointed in me. If it makes you feel any better, I forgot to tell my mom I was alive, too."

"You what?"

Val covered her face with her hand and shook her head, a laugh slipping through her fingers. “I couldn't tell you if it was forgot or ‘forgot.’ But yeah, she sent me a ‘next time drop me a line’ message. Next time! Can you believe it? Only Hannah Shepard.’

Ash joined Val’s laughter, then winced a little. The motion reminded Val that she should let Ash rest.

“I should go,” she said as she slid the stool back and stood up. “But for the record, I think you should take the Spectre position. You've earned it. And the Spectres need someone like you.”

“Thanks, Shepard. Keep in touch. And stay safe out there.” 

Val nodded once and raised her hand in farewell.

***

Val went back to the lobby and asked the receptionist for Thane's room number, remembering only at the last minute to use his alias. She took an elevator up, marveling at a hospital with over one hundred floors. By the thirtieth floor, Val was bouncing on her toes in excitement. By the fiftieth, she was pacing the length of the small space. Before arriving, she’s assumed Thane would be just like she remembered him. But the hushed hospital atmosphere and the constant beeping that monitored the condition of so many critical patients were planting doubts in her mind. By the seventieth floor, Val was pressed up against the back wall of the elevator. The doors opened on the seventy-fourth floor. They began to close again before Val worked up the courage to get off, and she had to shove her way through, setting off an annoyed reminder to please be courteous to other patients and visitors wishing to use the elevator.

The seventy-fourth floor was a long term care facility. It has a slightly less sterile feel to it than the inpatient units, but a damp-like sense of sickness still crept at the edge of Val’s awareness. Most of the floor was taken up by a shared lounge with a nurses’ station. The entire far wall was a window looking out over the skyscrapers that jutted up from one of the Citadel’s arms. In the center of lounge was Thane.

His body danced through the precise, flowing movements of his exercises, the ones that always reminded Val of her grandmother and her great aunts practicing tai chi. She covered her smile with the back of her hand and leaned against the frame of the elevator door to watch him. She admired the smooth lines his limbs made of each form, the tight control of his every movement that extended all the way to his smallest fingers. Each motion was slow and intense, as though he moved underwater or in high gravity, until all of a sudden he whirled like lightning, one strike pummeling the air after the next. All thoughts of ancient family members fled as Val took an enthralled step forward.

Thane abruptly ended his exercises and without turning toward the elevator said, "Shepard."

She laughed in delight. “How could you possibly know it was me?”

He turned then and met her smile with his own, pointing out the various strategically-placed reflective surfaces. Val ran across the room and threw her arms around Thane’s neck. He caught her with only the slightest hitch to his breath and clasped her tightly against him. His tone was low, solemn as he murmured into her ear, “I’m so glad I got to see you again before...”

Val yanked herself back from him and quickly cut off his statement with a forceful kiss. His words dissolved into a deep moan. He pressed the fingers of one hand into her cheek as he grabbed her to deepen the kiss. Val unwound her arms to trail her fingers along the familiar contours of his coat. He broke off the kiss with a gasp. “Perhaps you would like to see where I have been staying?”

Val grinned and tugged at the edges of his collar, pulling him forward so that his forehead rested against hers. “Yes. Very much, yes.”

***

Val zipped up her hoodie and leaned over the small table to peer into the mirror. She tugged at her slightly bruised lip and smiled. In the mirror behind her, she could see Thane slide off the bed and pull on a pair of loose trousers. He came up behind her and buried his face in long strands of her unbound hair, his fingertips trailing over her shoulders. Val leaned back into his embrace and closed her eyes. After a moment, he stepped back.

She turned away from the mirror and followed, touching her fingers lightly against his chest. The rise and fall of his breathing was shallow and slightly irregular. After a long silence she dared to ask, “Does it hurt?”

“Yes. Though the hospital staff does what it can to manage it. And staying active helps.” He chuckled at her suggestively raised eyebrows and added, “In moderation.”

“Are you well enough to come with me?”

"I cannot, _siha_. I am dying."

"You've always been dying."

"I'm getting better at it."

Val smiled a little and tapped a finger against his collarbone. "Dr. Chakwas is aboard. She's familiar with your condition, your treatment plans. Would it be that much different from being in the hospital?"

“Yes. It would. But more than that, Shepard, I am done. I’ve found peace. I see my son.” He gently tilted her chin upward so he could look into her eyes. “I am pleased with what I’ve contributed to the galaxy."

Val sank for a moment into the peace of his gaze before she snapped, the relaxed lethargy fleeing her limbs. She jerked her head away from his touch and narrowed her eyes, leaning aggressively closer to him. “How can you think of peace when the Reapers are here? We have to fight. Everyone is fighting. Most are dying, and they are not dying in peace.”

Thane raised his hands, but did not touch her. “ _Siha_ , my only skills are in killing. My body cannot perform that function any longer. I have contributed what I can.”

“I’m going to cure the _genophage_. Don’t you dare think I won’t find a way to cure you, too.”

“You are doing a great thing for the krogan people. And I don’t doubt you might also find a way to help mine. But you need to understand, it is too late for me.”

“You could just be there--”

“So you'd keep me in a little box on your ship, to take out when you want to play?”

Anger pushed away the guilt his statement evoked. She quoted, “‘Whatever time I have left...’” He stopped her with a finger on her lips. She pulled away, but didn’t continue down that path. Instead, she said, “I won't be here when you die. You will die alone.”

“I know.”

“You won't be there when... I will die alone. I will not get to die in peace.”

“I know that, too. And it grieves me to know you will go through that. But we always knew this is where it would end.”

Val balled her hands into fists and clenched her jaw, her eyes flashing with defiance. “No. No we don’t. You just watch me. I’ll show you where this will end.” She spun and strode from the room without looking back.


	9. The Universe Is Going to Catch You

A low murmur came from behind the door to the main battery. Val leaned closer without opening the door, but couldn’t make out the words. The rumble of Garrus’s voice was unmistakable. She could just catch the desperate tone of whoever he was talking to, but it frequently broke off. Probably comm static. She leaned against the door and waited. The breaks of static lengthened, Garrus’s muffled words thrummed with greater force, until both voice and silence were replaced by a high-pitched tone. It was silenced with a slam.

Val waited for about a minute before she opened the door. Garrus looked over his shoulder. “You could have come in.” She looked over her own shoulder, puzzled. Garrus snorted. “Vega keeps trying to sneak up on me. Something about startling a flock of pigeons. I keep a vid feed on the door now. Not that you really need one to hear him coming up behind you. What’s a pigeon?”

Val waved away the question. “Glad everyone’s getting to know each other.” She leaned back against the doorframe. “So what’s the news?”

Garrus turned back to his console. “From Palaven? Nothing good. If we don’t get krogan on the ground soon, we’re going to lose the planet.”

“We’ll get them.” Val craned her neck trying to catch Garrus’s eye, but he kept his gaze on the screen. “Any word from your family?”

“No. My sister was headed out of the city, somewhere safe, last I heard. But there’s nowhere safe on Palaven anymore. Dad’s working with the Turian Hierarchy. He could be anywhere right now.”

"Did you get a chance to talk to him before the Reapers attacked?"

Garrus’s posture relaxed and his hands stilled. “I did. When I couldn’t get anyone else to listen, I went to him. He made me tell him the whole story. And after I did, he got the Turian Hierarchy’s attention. Pulled every string, greased every wheel, knocked on the doors of every contact he’d made in all his years at C-SEC. That’s what got me my task force.”

“You told him everything?” A smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.

“Well... Maybe I left out the part about Archangel.”

"After everything, it must have felt good to be listened to."

"Yeah. Yeah it did.” He turned toward Val and asked, “What about your mom? Did she come to help you with your trial?"

Val sucked on her teeth. "Haven't heard from her since before the Collector Base. I think after what happened with the Alpha Relay... One stain too many on the family name."

"Surely if anyone would understand why you had to do it..."

“I dunno. Maybe I see a rebuke in her silence when she’s just too busy to talk. But.. I tried to follow in her footsteps once before, and they called me the Butcher of Torfan. She was less than pleased. And I hate to think of what they call me now.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Speaking of people with troubled parent-child relationships, are you and--"

"It's fine."

"Okay." Garrus changed the subject. "So, a Prothean, huh?"

Val snorted. "I know, right?"

"I keep thinking I can't be surprised by anything anymore. And then something comes along--"

"And completely changes how you see the galaxy. I keep thinking about all those stasis pods on Ilos. Do you remember Vigil?"

Garrus raised his brow plates. "What I remember about Ilos is you driving the Mako through a mass relay."

Val let out a whoop of laughter that echoed through the chamber. "That might have been the best moment of my life."

“And remember Ashley?” Garrus flailed his arms and moaned, “Shepard, we caaaaaan’t.”

She shook her head slowly and stared at Garrus in disapproval. “No. Not even a little. That was definitely you.”

“Hmm, maybe.” He chuckled.

Satisfied that Ash’s honor was intact, Val continued, "The thing is, the whole time up until that moment, I thought I was a hero chasing a villain. He was tough, the odds were against us. But I always knew we’d get him. That’s what the Butcher of Torfan is good for. Hunting down rabid dogs. But this...”

Garrus took a few steps closer, but said nothing, waiting for Val to continue.

She took a deep breath. “Cycle after cycle, how many millions of years of failure are we up against? All those stasis pods. Only Javik survived. And all he wants is to shoot as many Reapers as he can before joins his people." She met Garrus’s eyes and asked, "How many empty stasis pods am I going to leave behind?"

“I don’t know, Shepard. All I can tell you is something turians are taught from birth: If just one survivor is left standing at the end of a war, then the fight was worth it. You humans want to save everyone."

Val groaned a wordless protest, but Garrus stopped her. "I know. I know you'll make the necessary sacrifices. What I'm saying is that after you have, remember that it is a victory.” He held her gaze, his sharp eyes watching for her understanding. At her small nod, he hummed and stepped back. He added archly, “And if the worst should happen, maybe we can stick you a stasis pod. You'll go from being merely famous to legendary.”

Val’s eyes widened in horror. “No...” she began, then jumped halfway across the room as someone cleared her throat. She laughed when she saw Liara, and grinned when she saw Garrus had shared her reaction. “That’s like pigeons.”

"Since you’re speaking of...” Liara started, then tried another approach. “I was wondering if I could talk to you about a project I'm working on."

“Of course. Come on in.”

Liara stepped into the room and lightly nudged Garrus further away from the console. She set a small device on top of it. "You shouldn't focus on what happens if we don't succeed. But, the Protheans fought the Reapers for centuries. I’m only 109. If we can't finish the Catalyst, or if it blows up in our faces. I could live to see the end of this war.”

Liara stopped as her thoughts seemed to wander down some unspoken path. Then she shook her head. "The Protheans might have shown themselves to be cold, ruthless, imperialistic warlords, but they got us here. We need to do the same in case..."

She stopped again. Garrus reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Good idea.”

Liara smiled gratefully at Garrus and pressed a switch on her device. A soft blue beacon of light shone forth.

Val frowned, then asked, "Will it work? Fifty thousand years is a long time. And the Prothean beacon was nearly unintelligible. So much that no one believed it."

“I believe it will. I’ve studied everything the Protheans did, and I can do it better. I’ve analyzed the different planets, their life forms, the kinds of communication their biology might lead them to develop. The Protheans were arrogant. They assumed anyone who came after would be in their image, so to speak. I’ve encoded the data in every way I can imagine. It’s so simple, a vorcha could understand it"

“What’s it got in there?” Garrus asked.

“Everything the Shadow Broker had and more. And most importantly, everything we’ve learned, how we learned it, how people responded to it, what we tried. But Shepard, I wanted to ask you. I was working on your entry and I,” Liara paused. “I wanted to ask how you wanted to be remembered.”

Val rubbed at her forehead, “Ah, I dunno. Just, um, do what you think you should.”

“I could do it for you, Shepard,” Garrus offered.

She pointed at Garrus and snapped her fingers, “Oh. Good idea! Can I do Archangel’s?”

Liara pursed her lips. “Hmm, perhaps this was not a good idea. I should just use reliable, official sources.”

“Nah, don’t do that.” Val came up beside Liara and threw an arm around her shoulders. “You know us. Since the beginning. That personal touch... It might help.”

“Very well. Let me know if there’s anything you want me to add.”

“Sure. I’ll send you my mission reports so you can add anything else we find.”

“Please, Shepard. I already receive all of your reports. And Traynor sends me whatever comes across her monitors.”

Garrus let out an incredulous laugh. “Did you turn our naive comm specialist into an agent for the Shadow Broker?”

Liara smiled. “That would be telling.”


	10. Flash Floods Don't Retreat

She was running. A metered _thump thump, thump thump,_ until a root snagged out to catch her, and her rhythm was broken by a _shhhhkkt_ as she swiveled and hopped out of the way. She caught herself against the wall, then pushed off from it.

The footsteps behind her, also running, were closer now. She risked a glance back, but the mist skulked in the corridor, pulling every shape into its mass. She slowed so the footsteps could catch up.

“Which way, Commander?” Oswell, a young engineer newly assigned to Val’s command, asked when she was close enough. _Not Commander, Lieutenant,_ Val thought, but kept running.

“Forward. The batarians are going to ground. If they get too far into these tunnels...”

“Like the rachni,” the other member of their team puffed through his measured panting.

“Kamara’s been studying his history. Nice.” Val tried to project her pride back to the marine; she heard the pace of his running even out, his footfalls become more deliberate. “If that happens, we’ll have no choice. We’ll have to smash this moon into the Alpha Relay.” _Wait, what?_ She risked another look back just as an explosion rocked the facility. She toppled to the ground, grabbing at a cluster of roots to slow her fall. _Why are there roots on a lifeless moon?_

She checked her squad. “Oswell, where’s Kamara?”

Oswell gaped at her, then extended a trembling finger back the way they’d come. Val could just see Kamara’s torn and broken body being dragged into the mist by those root-things. Echoes of screams rang through the tunnels, other teams she’d sent down the branching corridors. She could smell fire, not just the scent of burning things, but the sharp tang of flame-crackled oxygen.

“Go! Move it!”

“Ma’am, this point is vulnerable. We have to hold it.”

A snap decision. “You have to hold it. Set up a turret.” The roots were snarling closer. Realization hit the young soldier’s face. Val lied, “You can do this.”

“Aye, ma’am.” Val checked her hold on her weapon and backed away. Oswell’s form became thinner, darker. A floating shadow. A whisper, from far away, _I got a few scratches and dents. I hope they just give me character._

“No. No no no.” Val’s hands and face were caught in the wild tangles. Knobbly vines broke past her clenched teeth, snaking into her mouth, up her nose. She couldn’t breath.

“Shepard, be calm.” Thane’s soothing voice pushed the dream away as his hands unwound the sheets that bound her and uncovered her face. “You are dreaming.”

She let Thane pull her into a sitting position. She dug her fingers into his arms to hold herself up and forced her eyes wide open, not daring to blink and fall back into the nightmare. He gently loosened her grip then cupped her face in both hands. “Shhh, _siha_. You are safe.” He pressed a cool kiss to her forehead.

Val swallowed, then forced herself to blink. She took one breath, then another. Thane tilted her face up to look at him. Her eyes caught on those faint green irises. You had to really _look_ to look Thane directly in the eye. The intimacy of it was still startling.

He dropped his hands and slid across the rumpled sheets so he was sitting next to her. “What did you dream?” he asked.

“Torfan. Aratoht. Shit, maybe Virmire.”

Thane said nothing. His thumb traced a pattern on the back of her hand. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“You’ve tried to atone for your sins.” Thane murmured in agreement. “Do I need forgiveness?” Val asked. “For the choices I’ve made?”

“I believe, _siha_ , if you would ask something of those who guide you, it should be for faith.”

Val kissed his shoulder. “I never understand your answers.”

“You do. You pretend you don’t because you know where this conversation leads. I wish for faith to accompany you where I cannot. So you won’t be alone at each terrible choice you’ll inevitably make to win this war.”

“You’re right.” She sat up straight, and Thane raised his brows in surprise. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Tomorrow your Admiral will take you into custody. There is not much time left for goodbyes.”

“It’s a formality,” Val said. “Think of it as forced shore leave. A week, maybe two. I’ll present evidence to Alliance brass and we’ll start outfitting for war. Within a month, I’ll be picking you back up from the Citadel.”

Thane let out a low, grumbling sigh to signal his disagreement. Val twisted up onto her knees and then straddled his lap, looking down at him. She lightly tugged at his lower lip, encouraging him to come closer. She pressed her nose against his as she dropped her hand to brush her fingertips along his collarbone. “What happened to faith?” she teased.

He braced his hands against the bed, lifting himself to meet her lips. Warmth crawled down her limbs at his touch. She ran her hands over the taut muscles of his arms and parted her lips, falling onto him.

She broke away from the kiss, just for a moment, and breathed, “It was a stupid dream. I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway.”

***

Val cleared her throat then tapped the button to start the recording. “Hi, Thane. I hope you’re well. That you’ve had time to spend with Kolyat. I hear the Citadel’s lovely this time of year.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m being so weird. I don’t really like talking to messages. But... I’m under far more restrictions than I anticipated, and they won’t allow me direct communication with any of my crew. The marine who’s been assigned as my ‘escort’ thought he could pull in a favor for me, though.”

She looked away from the blinking camera light and bit her lower lip in frustration. “I don’t know what the Alliance or the Council thinks they’re doing. What I did in the Bahak System bought time, but not enough. If they don’t act soon, I’ll have to... Ah, I’ll have to continue to persuade them using my best diplomatic skills.

“I miss you. That’s what I really want to say. But...

A soft chime briefly preceded the door opening. “Commander.” Vega stopped in the doorway. He snapped a salute.

She stood up from the desk, shaking her head. “You’re not supposed to call me that anymore, James.”

“Not supposed to salute you, either. We gotta go. The Defense Committee wants to see you.”

Val took a deep breath. She turned back to her console and leaned over to look into the camera. “Sorry. I’ll see if I can send a better message later. Just... Don’t go until... Don’t go. I love you.”

She closed the message and pretended to read something until she was sure that both her voice and appearance were under her control. She turned back to James, an eyebrow raised in her best I-dare-you-to-say-something look. He was determinedly studying his fingernails. He let out a grunt of a laugh when he looked up at her silence and saw her face.

Val smiled in response and clapped a hand on James’s shoulder. “Sounds important. Alright, I’m ready.”


	11. Stairs to the Attic (Epilogue)

Ash paced the width of the Normandy’s cockpit, her eyes locked on the Crucible. Her head swiveled, owl-like, at each turn so she could make sure she didn’t miss it when it fired and blasted those forsaken Reapers out of her galaxy.

“What is going on?” Garrus asked, for at least the sixth time. Ash ignored him.

Something started beeping. Ash watched Joker respond from the corner of her eye. As his movements slowed and his face paled, she finally tore her gaze from the Crucible. “What is it?”

“It’s from Shepard. Command protocol Sierra Oscar Seven Kilo Three.” A hush fell over the crew gathered in the cockpit. Ash bowed her head and whispered a short prayer. Joker said softly, “Lieutenant Commander Williams, the Normandy is under your command.”

Ash’s head jerked back up to look at the Crucible. “Not for long.” She tapped the comm, “Lieutenant Cortez, get the shuttle ready. Garrus and I will join you ASAP.”

Liara gaped at Ashley. “Shepard was clear on this protocol. If the Crucible failed, our top priority is the beacon.”

“The Normandy’s top priority is the beacon. My top priority is winning this war, and Shepard’s a key asset in meeting that objective. Lieutenant Vega--” James snapped to attention. “The Normandy is under your command. Get Liara, EDI, and this data to the beacons, then begin other contingency plans as Liara directs. Garrus, Steve, and I will get Shepard and rendezvous as soon we can.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She nodded to Garrus, and they turned to leave. EDI stood quickly and stepped into their path. Ash raised an eyebrow, daring the AI to interfere. EDI held out her hand, “Good luck.”

Ash clasped it tightly in both of her own.

***

50,000 years later, thereabouts

***

The shuttle skimmed across the gray, rocky desert. Ayaliz pressed her face to the window, hoping to get an early glance of the dig site. She twisted on the balls of her feet, squirming in excitement as the tents and prefabs rose up on the horizon. She turned to share her excitement with her companions but the four soldiers on her detail ignored her.

Ayaliz started gathering her equipment, and hiked her pack over her shoulder. The shuttle drifted to a stop and the door hissed open. The five vorcha dropped the half-meter down to the dry, cracked ground, and the shuttle whizzed off. Ayaliz set off in bouncing run toward the main tent, the soldiers following at a more sedate pace. She pushed through billowing flap of the door and ducked into the command center.

High-profile scientists from some of the best universities in the galaxy milled around the tent, waiting for her. She dropped her pack and grinned. “Alright, report.”

An assistant floated up beside her and handed her a datapad. “We’ve confirmed the presence of at least one life form within, ma’am. There were many security protocols in place, but once we stopped overthinking, they were quite simple to address. Like children’s puzzles, really. Regardless, we’re ready to open on your command.”

Ayaliz rubbed her hands together in delight. “Excellent! Then what are we waiting for?” The gathered scientists and techs joined together in polite laughter and as one backed away from portal set into the ground in the center of the tent. “Ah, you’ve left me the honor. Excellent.” She strode forward and crouched down, thumping her fist against the door controls.

The door split in the middle and slid down into the rocky earth. Ayaliz peered down into the darkness. She hopped back as a blue globe of light spun itself out of the ether. “Greetings, intrepid explorer,” a computerized voice chirped. “I am called Glyph. I have been programmed to assist you in retrieving this data. First, I need to authenticate your credentials.”

Ayaliz frowned, “Credentials?”

“Yes. Why are you seeking this data?”

“Oh. The Reapers are coming. We have the beacons, and we’ve been--”

“Sufficient credentials established,” Glyph interrupted. “Your access has been granted, explorer.” The little VI’s image spun away from the hole and began to investigate the other scientists and equipment in the room.

One of the soldiers cleared his throat, “Ma’am, should we let it do that?” Ayaliz waved his concern away as a hiss. A loud clank sounded deep in the pit. She leaned over, this time grabbing a flashlight and waving it into the darkness. She caught a glimpse of a shiny metal pod rising out of the depths. After a nearly unbearable wait, the pod reached the surface. Ayaliz stood and lightly touched her fingers against the surface. The top slid back to reveal its contents.

A figure lay within, its eyes closed. Ayaliz recognized the form as that of a human woman from her research. Her own breath trapped in her chest, she hesitantly reached out to touch the body, ignoring the cries of concern from those around her. 

Slowly, the creature’s eyes opened. Her head turned slightly from side to side before she sat up. “Hello,” she said. “My name is EDI.”

***

EDI stood at her desk in the science lab looking down at the photograph in her hands. It showed the Normandy crew, old and new, from their last night together on the Citadel. Ayaliz had looked confused when EDI asked for a physical copy, wondering why an AI with instant access to her data and memories would need such a thing. But she’d graciously provided it and put it in a lovely frame, an example of fine vorcha craftsmanship from nearly three centuries ago.

She set the photograph on the desk next to a steaming bowl of food. Her olfactory sensors told her the odor would be distasteful to humans, but the vorcha and many of other species of this cycle seemed fond of the slimy noodle-like creatures. EDI lightly brushed her finger over the faces in the photograph, then straightened the single yellow flower in front of the picture.

A soft chime signaled someone’s entrance to the lab, and EDI turned to see Ayaliz clutching something in her clawed hands. “Hello, EDI,” she said. “Do you have a minute?” EDI nodded and the small vorcha approached. She glanced at the display on the desk and sucked on her cheeks for a moment before holding out what she held. “This is the data device we found that led us to you. It’s mostly intact, but there’s a recording Shepard made that I think is corrupted. It cuts off in the middle.”

EDI plucked the small cube from Ayaliz’s hand, then flicked open a data port in her wrist. She placed the cube in the port and scanned it. “Ah, yes. I can access the rest of the recording, but I do not know that you will find it relevant. When Shepard recorded this, she was working on something and was interrupted. She re-recorded the necessary details. The data you were unable to access is personal.”

“Can I see it? I’d like to know more about her. To understand the kind of person who would do... what she did... for people she never knew.”

EDI calculated. It seemed unlikely that, after everything else, Shepard would deny this request. She removed the block, then opened a connection to the nearest terminal. An image of Shepard’s face appeared on the screen. Both EDI and Ayaliz moved closer to watch.

Shepard cleared her throat, then began to speak, “The primary objective of our allied forces is to build the Crucible, to finish the Protheans’ design, improve upon it, and use it to destroy the Reapers. But how, we just don’t know. We have very little idea whether it will work, and if it does, what it will do.

“It’s our best hope for victory, but we need more. If not hope for us, than for those who come after.

“The Protheans gave us the Crucible plans, but that was not their greatest leap forward. Their scientists discovered how the Reapers initiated the war, and sabotaged that mechanism. Thousands were sacrificed for that plan to even have a chance, and the scientists who enacted it died when their mission was complete. I’ve been thinking: What has our cycle done that would get the next that much closer? We’ve learned a great deal about the true nature of the Reapers. We know what they are, we know how they harvest organics. And all of that information will be passed on through Dr. T’Soni’s beacons.

“But... I believe our artificial intelligences are our true legacy, the mark our cycle will leave on the galaxy. Study the histories we’ve recorded about the Morning War. I don’t know if we’ll live to see peace between the quarians and the geth, but I hope we will. And you… You would not believe what I’ve seen, how our ship’s AI has evolved. So we’ve decided--”

Shepard’s words were cut off as she suddenly glanced over her shoulder at some sound. The camera angle adjusted to show someone standing behind her. “You shouldn’t let anyone sneak up on you, Shepard, especially on board your own ship.”

“Thane,” she said, with a sharp intake of breath. “Oh, love, I am so sorry.”

He crossed the room in three steps and wrapped her in a tight embrace. “As am I, _siha_. As am I.” He sighed into her hair. “I know you’re leaving soon for Tuchanka. I just wanted... before...”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” She pressed a quick, fierce kiss to his lips, then took a small step back. She rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this, how I’m supposed to save them. I think...” Her voice on the recording was barely audible. “I think it might be too late. How do I lead them, thinking that?”

Thane brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. “You do it knowing you have made an immeasurable mark upon the galaxy. Your actions matter, and will shape life as we know it and as we’ve yet to imagine it.”

“I wish you could be there with me.”

“I’ll always be with you, _siha_. I would not trade the time I had with you for anything. It was a good fight.”

“A great fight.”

“Then go and finish it.”

The image flickered away. EDI glanced at Ayaliz and saw the vorcha brushing away tears. Ayaliz sighed and sat down on a stool. Her dark eyes were lost in thought for several moments before she looked up and said, “That was... Can you tell me another story about Shepard? Please?”

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> A million thanks to electricpastry for creating such stunning art (and for sticking with me through all my procrastination). Thank you to breadedsinner for showing me when I forgot to actually write something and when the characters wandered too far off track. And of course thanks to our delightful hosts azzy and bioticbooty.
> 
> I was heavily inspired by music from The Antlers, and the titles of the story and chapters come from their lyrics or song titles. Here is a link to [my YouTube playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8We0FVflGaU&list=PLUsfnjU3HPMmE6urQU-Xoj-5Y_P4cccgN) if you're interested.


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